Maren sits down with life coach Ichko Batmunkh to talk about her journey immigrating to America, the struggles of being a stranger in a strange land, and how she came to find her own unique voice.
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Transcript
(orchestra tuning)
Hello and welcome to The Bodice Ripper Project, an exploration of sexuality, feminism, and the journey to self-empowerment through the lens of a vulnerable artist.
I’m Maren Montalbano, opera singer, coach, and writer.
In this episode, you’ll hear me sit down with life coach Ichko Batmunkh to talk about life coaching, immigration, and finding your unique voice.
So make yourself comfortable, loosen your bodice, and let’s begin!
(intro music plays)
Hello again, my beautiful, wonderful listeners, my loyal listeners. Thank you so much for tuning in. I’m bringing in an interview that I actually did back in December of 2020. For some reason it didn’t fit into season two and I wasn’t exactly sure where to put it, but I met Ichko at a networking event, and I found something really fascinating about her story and I wanted to bring her on. So I did. And I’m really, really glad I did.
A little bit about her. Ichko Batmunkh is an IPEC certified professional life and mindset coach, and she’s on a mission to help other immigrants and women find their voice, their self-worth, and unleash their full potential and gifts so that they can take actions aligned with their passion and purpose.
For me, season three is all about interviewing people who are in the creative field and Ichko is a bit of an outlier. But again, I think her story has a lot to do with resilience. Plus, she touches on some really insidious racism that she has, uh, experienced. And we kind of talk about it a little bit, but I really want to point it out, that both of us were dancing around this situation, of how much racism she did experience coming to America.
This is a really important subject for me. And I really want to highlight it because as you know, I’m part Chinese. My grandmother was an immigrant from China. And I feel a connection to other immigrants because of that. I’m not going to say much more than that. Just listen to the interview and enjoy.
Maren: I am so pleased to be welcoming to the Bodice Ripper Podcast Ichko Batmunkh, who is a life coach. I’m really, really excited to get started, because her story is incredible. And it’s exactly the kind of stuff that I have been wanting to talk about on this podcast. Ichko, thank you so much for joining us.
Ichko: Well, thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be here.
Maren: Let’s just get started right away. Tell us a little bit about your story, how you came to America and what brought you to life coaching?
Ichko: It’s going to be a long story, but I’m going to make it very short. I’m from Mongolia. I grew up in Mongolia. So growing up in Mongolia, I used to watch a lot of American movies. And, what does that mean for me? It’s basically that, I love this, how the kids are, like, talking to the parents and they’re so open. And kids can ask any questions they want. And the parents don’t really question them neither. Open communication makes me feel like that’s really what I wanted. I just didn’t really have the voice growing up. And I didn’t really express myself as much as I wanted. And I was like, my mom always says, like, “Don’t talk, don’t do this. And don’t do that.”
It was just so hard for me. And I feel like I literally lost my voice during this time. And I got an opportunity to come to America at 23. I graduated and high school and college and after that I had an opportunity to come to America. So that’s things has started, you know, um, even after when I moved to America.
Maren: And you didn’t know English, or you couldn’t speak very good English at the beginning, right?
Ichko: I learned English here. I started with the ESL here, going through school. What I know about America growing up was that it’s America represents freedom and opportunity. So that’s what I really wanted in my life. And I didn’t really have that in Mongolia. So, you know, I made my dream come true. The first dream was that, basically. And even after when I moved here though, it wasn’t like, just like, you know, rainbow and sunshine. It wasn’t like that at all.
I didn’t know the culture, I didn’t know the English. So you have to like restart all over again. But I never questioned it. Like, um, I kind of knew that this is what I wanted, you know, and even though how hard it was, my first priority was like learning English. That’s it. Literally, I didn’t really focus on anything else other than just focusing on English. Like I was talking to strangers or making friends with only like, uh, native speakers. So that’s where I used to go, literally.
Maren: That’s awesome.
Ichko: I know it was really awesome. So three years later, well, like now I need to like focusing on career, like, what do I really want? Right? I still didn’t know at the time, neither.
First five years, I still didn’t know. Like I was doing a bunch of different types of jobs, like working in a nail salon , or as a group coordinator. Even working in a Costco Wholesale. I was doing a lot of different things, just trying to figure out what I really wanted. Cause like I want to experience things. And I was taking a bunch of classes, but I couldn’t really figure out what I really wanted neither.
Five years later, I moved to LA that’s when I met this amazing person in my life. And who was like, “Well, maybe, Ichko, you should doing, um, maybe accounting, and Asians kind of are good at that part.”
I’m like, “All right.” So like, That was, I was still new to LA. All right. Um, and, um, again, I didn’t really still, I still couldn’t figure that out, you know? Um, and that’s fine. That’s fine. Like, I can do it. Let me give it a try. I have to give it a try because I was taking a bunch of classes. I know a lot of things, but I have to apply that in my real life. So I needed, I need to, I need a job anyway.
And I applied, I got a job very fast. I got very lucky. I guess then I was thinking in my mind, maybe I should pursue like, you know, a CPA. The firm I was working for is like a CPA firm? So I was kind of starting with the bookkeeping and tax preparation. It was okay. But I was so happy that I have a job, you know, that was that.
So fast forward into 2018, I was taking a bunch of classes in 2017 just to qualify for the CPA exam and working also at the same time.
And one day I wake up like, I just really couldn’t see myself doing it. And when I think about it, how miserable I was working in this office and just staring at the computer, it was not fun at all. And going back, like, all I wanted was the opportunity and freedom. I know that deep inside, that’s what I wanted, but I still couldn’t have that in my life. And I really don’t think I can have it, if I continue doing the CPA or this accounting firm.
I just don’t think I could find that, right? So that was that. And for a while, I was feeling stuck in my life until I embarked upon a journey of self discovery.
That’s when I learned about myself, who I am and what I want, and also what I don’t want. I think that’s the most important thing. You know, we gotta figure that out in the early age. And also I found my passion and purpose in life as well, which is life coaching.
Now, got to be entrepreneurial. You’re going to be a coach. It’s just so scary at the same time. As a typical Asian girl like me, being entrepreneur, being a coach is just like, oh my gosh, you know, how are you going to do that? So I was so scared. And again, I’m a typical Asian girl, very shy, introvert.
But, um, I want to show people what’s possible for them, you know? Cause that’s what I’m came for to America. Like I want the freedom, not only outside, the money-wise, but also inside. I want to be fulfilled and that’s what I really wanted. And I’m like, I’m going to go all in, no matter what, as, like how long it takes to get where I want to go. So I was scared, but you know what, I’m going to do it.
I got the courage to go after what I wanted, and I hired a coach. It’s just scary and all of that, just doing it, doing it anyway. So that was my journey. And fast forward, it’s been a year and a half now. I have helped so many people. I’m so proud of myself right now. And I’m on a mission to helping others, like helping other entrepreneurs and Asian entrepreneurs. Also immigrants, helping them to live the life they always dreamed of. So if I can do it, so can they, so that’s like the thing for me right now.
Maren: That’s so, so, so beautiful and inspiring. And I think there are so many things about your story that I can relate to. I also, even though I was born in this country, I spent my 20s just kind of like bouncing around from job to job, trying to figure out exactly what I wanted. You know, I was a secretary, I worked at a bank. Throughout this whole time I was still auditioning for various different shows and doing these things and being a performer. And now looking back, I mean, hindsight is so clear, I can see the common thread there is performance. You know? It’s the artistry, but I didn’t realize it then. I was thinking, well, you know, I could be a secretary and then maybe become an executive secretary. But to be honest, like all this, the stuff you’re talking about being, you know, working for the CPA firm, it’s the same kind of thing when I was making really good money as a secretary, I felt dead inside. And yeah, sure. Money is important. Of course. We have to live, we have to pay the rent, you know, all that kind of stuff. But the most important thing is for us to feel fulfilled. It really is. So I love that about your story and I really commend you for continuing. I feel like you embody resilience, and that’s really, that’s just so wonderful to see.
Ichko: Thank you so much. Yeah. I think all of us have this potential, you know, and I kind of knew about it, but I also, I do have doubts about myself. Of course, I’m a human being, right? And I think a lot of us really doubt about our abilities and capacities. And if you can unleash that, early stage, even though you’re scared, if you can just go all in to learn from there and just do it, you can get there. You know, Because the last thing I want is like, when I get old and I wish I should have done this and that, I don’t want to regret that in my life.
And another thing is, nothing is really too late. Even like me, coming to America at 23 and learning English and everything else, it was like, I feel like, you know, I’m so behind, you know? I didn’t even know how to use the, you know, computer-wise and everything else. I mean, I kind of do, but not well. Until like 17 to 23, I was also working all of the time. That’s how I made money to come to America, basically. So I was kind of a little behind the computer and everything else, to learning everything also so huge thing.
But like I never said, it’s too late I’m, not going to catch up for everything, you know? I never say that to myself. I’m going to figure this out. I just go all in because otherwise your life is going to be wasted, you know? And I don’t want to waste another day.
Maren: This is exactly what I’m trying to impart to my listeners. I try to embody that myself. It’s hard. Life is difficult. And I get scared all the time and I just keep going. For me right now, the things that are scary to me are, like, how do I market myself? How do I go out there and say like, I’m worth something. I do believe it in my heart that I’m worth something, but to actually say it, that’s a different, like you have to
Ichko: Yeah, I’m so with you there.
Maren: Yeah. So everybody has doubts, everybody has fears and you have to do it scared anyway. That’s so important.
Some fun stuff. When was the first time if you’ve ever, I don’t even know if you’ve ever read a romance novel. This is a podcast where I read romance novel scenes that I’ve written. So I wanted to know if you’ve, have you ever read a romance novel?
Ichko: Yeah, that’s a such a great question. I love reading books, but my books usually kind of get into like personal development. Cause I’m all about learning and growing into be a better person for myself. But I do love love. And I love reading, but I actually never put attention to reading books about that, but I like watched a lot of movies, if that counts.
Maren: It totally counts.
Ichko: okay. Yeah. Okay. So then if that’s the case, I mean, there’s so many that I can mention, so, but on top of my mind right now is Fifty Shades of Grey. I feel like in a way it’s like, so romance to me. I just love it.
Maren: That’s awesome. I feel like romance, the stories and novels and books and movies are all things we can, I mean, it’s common ground. Everybody loves love. Even the grumpiest person, I think, secretly inside themselves, they love love. I like to embrace that cheesy part of myself. So
Ichko: Yeah. I mean, my question to you is what about that, that really makes you also to talk about that?
Maren: So the first thing is actually for me, it started as that connection. Everybody loves love. Everybody loves the cheesy things. And especially for me, the best part about romance novels are all of the descriptions of the sex scenes.
So, because–
Ichko: There you go!
Maren: Because they’re always like, so — they have different words like his “member,” you know, or her heaving bosoms, that kind of thing. It’s just, it’s so out of this world, over the top, and it makes me giggle. It makes me like, I feel like I’m at a slumber party, having like, just giggle time with my girlfriends. So that’s why I started the podcast. That’s actually why I started writing these scenes, because I was backstage at the opera, we had all this downtime and I was like, let me do something that’s funny, you know? And I just started writing these stories and I would read them aloud. And then it was like this like giggle fest, you know? And, um, and I think that there’s something about being okay with sexuality, talking about sex, and not feeling like it’s a taboo thing; it should be fun, you know?
That’s where I’m coming from when I read these things, I want to have fun with my audience.
Ichko: Yeah, I love that. Actually now it makes me think, I watched a movie called The Notebook. It’s
Maren: Oh, I love The Notebook. Yeah.
Ichko: I love Ryan Gosling he’s thing. So romantic movie, right.
Maren: Totally romantic. And then there’s also the hunky factor
Ichko: Yeah. Yeah. I think like a lot of us, it’s a sadly like, we are so driven by career or money and the people kind of like put aside the love part. If there’s no love, it’s just, what’s the point?
Maren: Well, right. And that’s the other thing is, it’s not just love between two people. It’s also love to ourselves. We need to love ourselves. So many times we spend, we just spend all our energy, go, go, go and I have to get to the next level of my career and then I can concentrate on myself. And it doesn’t work that way actually.
Ichko: Still people don’t get it. Like they kind of know about it, but they still don’t do it. Once you achieve the goal, they’re always thinking about what’s the next goal, what’s the next? Because they never feel satisfied and they never feel fulfilled. And I want to add a little bit of a comment on the when you talk about the sex part. Nowadays I’m noticing too, some people are still very open to talk about it. And I’m so grateful that I actually can have a conversation with you about this because, that means that this world is, you know, like being really open-minded to talk about anything. It’s just so beautiful.
Maren: Yeah.
Ichko: Because growing up for me, like, sex? Oh, no way. I think like in Mongolia, no, we don’t do it there. We don’t talk about it.
Maren: How did you learn? Was it, were there sex ed classes or do you just figure it out? How did you, what?
Ichko: You gotta just figure this out by doing it, right?
Maren: Wow. Yeah. See, so, I mean, I know my parents talked to me about it, you know?
Ichko: What, seriously?
Maren: Yeah!
Ichko: My mom is not open-minded like you, that I’m telling you. It’s not, this is not her fault or anything like that. It’s just what the culture is, you know? So yeah, it’s what it is.
Maren: Yeah. Well, I mean, the thing is though, I feel like if we talked about it more, we would feel less shame about it. And it’s the shame that makes us not be authentic. When I did my one woman show in October, I would read some of these things aloud and, you know, the sex scenes, and I, I dressed up in kind of like provocative clothing. And when I was marketing some of this, some of my friends had a negative response. And it was hard to say, okay, well, that’s not about me, that’s about that person, you know?
But it’s hard not to take it personally. But I think that in the end, the more we talk about it, the more we say like, look, this is a part of life. Then we can normalize it and maybe people will be more comfortable. With themselves.
Ichko: I agree with you a hundred percent. I think it’s like, that’s your passion, right? To talk about things like that. That’s something also I learned as well, in my journey when I’m passionate about things and some people don’t like it and some people love it.
So I’m not gonna stop if some friend of mine don’t like what I’m doing. I’m not going to stop just because of that. But am I getting hurt? Yes. I’m a human, right? So I do get hurt, but I get to get over and then just move forward.
Maren: Yeah, exactly. And that’s where the self-love comes in, too.
Ichko: Yeah.
Maren: Yeah.
All right. So next question. Who are your three favorite creators? I almost said authors, but I’m like, you know what? It could be any kind of creator you want.
Ichko: I love this question a lot. One of the authors that I love is Eckhart Tolle. I have read his books, one of my favorite book called Power of Now.
Maren: That’s one of my favorites too.
Ichko: Is it? It’s like, I’ve read that like three times. I love reading it because it really helped me to live present in the moment, help me to just be present. A lot of us just thinking about the past or worrying about the future, right? And that’s we get caught and don’t even know how to live present, don’t even know how to live fully in our life. So I think that book is just so amazing. I always recommend to even my clients, sometimes as a homework. Okay, read this book.
Maren: Yeah. That is good homework for sure.
Ichko: Yeah, I do that. The creator, I love Oprah Winfrey. She’s just an amazing soul, such an inspiration. So that’s another one. Third. Well, there’s so many, but I would mention – Tony Robbins is so amazing. He has written a bunch of books, I mean, I have read his books, but didn’t really get much, but, the number one book that I love reading also read like three times, it’s called Think and Grow Rich. Yeah, so good. One of my mentors read this book like eight, nine times, and I’m like, whoa, how do you even do that? Right?
Maren: Like you have it memorized by then.
Ichko: Yeah. I think that when more you’re reading, the way you look at it in a different way. Whenever you read books, your perspective is in a different place, you’re in a different place. The way you take it is so differently than how you take it. That’s why I feel like people would read it all of the time again and again again, because there’s so much knowledge and power.
Maren: That’s so interesting. There are definitely books that I’ve read multiple times and I agree, like every time I come back to it, there’s something new in there.
Ichko: Yeah. Because our perspective already shifted, you know, change in how we align with our life. And we are always, like, looking for new things, and it’s just, you know, open your eyes.
Maren: Have you ever been to an opera?
Ichko: I always wanted to, I never had a chance, I guess.
Maren: Yeah, I mean, it’s so interesting. Cause I think that opera has this stereotype, you know, that Oh, it’s only for the elites, you know, it’s only for rich people. That kind of stuff. And it’s not true. Some of the best operas are basically just really good stories about people who have fallen in love.
With opera, it’s always about over-the-top passion, like, I love you. I hate you. I’m going to kill you, you know, like that kind of thing. The music amplifies it. I know that there are some people who feel scared, like, Oh, I’m not going to understand it, but I promise there are definitely operas you can go, you won’t understand the words and you may not intellectually understand the music, but you’ll get it in your heart, you know? And that’s why I love. I love opera so much. So. It’s a way of communicating larger things than just speaking.
Ichko: Well, thank you for sharing that again. See, like I learned something new today, so amazing.
Maren: Yeah.
Ichko: I had no idea, but I’m always curious to experience new things. Like, that’s for me, but I wouldn’t understand it in the first place, obviously. But I’m just curious to check it out, you know, like, I don’t have to know what that is.
Maren: Yeah. Well, there won’t be any opera anytime soon because of COVID, but when it comes back around, I bet there’s probably some free outdoor something or other in the summer. If it comes across, think of me.
Ichko: I will, I will let you know what I think.
Maren: Well, good.
Ichko: Yes.
Maren: All right. So when I talk about bodice rippers in my show, I use the bodice as a metaphor for ripping something that’s restricting you. And I feel like your story is so much of there was this passion inside, of really wanting to express yourself and that you couldn’t.
And that’s your story of letting your true self out. Is there more to that story?
Ichko: Thank you for pointing that out. Sometimes I feel like my mind is almost restricting me in a way that I can’t, like, sometimes there’s resistance towards that. Because like, I know my potential a hundred percent, but like, I don’t get the things always life brings to the table yet, you know?
It’s just like the human brain we have, right? You know you’re amazing; at the same time, you just can’t, like, I’m getting frustrated when I’m not getting full potential out there. How do I really unleash my full potential so I can bring so much, I can contribute more to the table.
Maren: Yeah. Is it like, something inside you that’s judging you like, um, it’s almost meta. Like I want to release my full potential, but I’m not doing it. So I’m going to judge myself for not doing it.
Ichko: Yeah. Yeah, totally. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Maren: I definitely do that too. So I feel you on that.
Ichko: It’s just really frustrating to me. But I’m just really, like, I’m telling myself, Ichko, be patient.
Maren: I feel like you have so much potential still and you will definitely reach it. I know you will.
Ichko: Oh, thank you. Yes.
Maren: 2020 has been kind of a dumpster fire. Um, but I want to talk about the positive things. So tell me one good thing that 2020 has brought into your life.
Ichko: Uh, well, I invested in the stock market.
It’s doing really well. I think that 2020 has really like, I constantly have shifted along the way, because I think it’s just like you don’t like for me, the last thing I want is to just stock it with my life and not doing anything at all.
That to me is just too silly. I want to do something with my life. Yeah, you did something like even just during this pandemic. That, to me, like such an accomplishment. When you’re home, you can do a lot of things with yourself. Right? So I read books and networking and also learning about stock market, and helping a lot of people. So that to me fulfills my heart every day.
Maren: That’s great. I feel like that’s the side that people don’t really talk about. I hear a lot of angry voices about the billionaires who got even richer during the pandemic.
Well, that’s not, you. You actually just took this same tool and used it for your advantage. And like, we can all do that. We can all use these tools.
Ichko: This is also how I look at it, and it’s so easy to compare yourself to others. And it’s so easy to blame others and then feel sorry for yourself. It’s so easy to do that. We all have to think, how’s that serving me? What is that bringing me? Nothing, other than anger or frustration. And then you get more angry and angry, and it’s not healthy for you. We gotta be just a little bit of mindful with ourselves, like what we are thinking, what are we saying to ourselves and how much we’re blaming someone else. Really just focus on yourself. I think that this is the time to really focusing on yourself and just being mindful and love yourself, you know, be present. Just think that’s the best thing you can do.
Yeah. I think that’s really what I wanted to tell people about that. Really focus on yourself. Because the other way around isn’t going to help you at all.
Maren: No. And it actually might hurt. That’s the thing when you’re spending so much time focusing on somebody else, you’re actually not looking and seeing the opportunities that are right in front of you.
Ichko: There you go. Yeah.
Maren: I’m glad you brought that up because there is, well, I mean, it depends on what corners of social media, you look, but sometimes there is this victim mentality. And, you know, gosh, I see like a whole bunch of different angles on this because as a singer, I lost my job! Like I can’t sing, I’m not allowed. It’s a super spreading event for me to sing, you know? And so, I’ve had to figure out, okay, well, if I can’t do this, who am I? What is my identity now and all that kind of stuff. But if I spent all of my time going, I blame the pandemic. I blame the government. I blame opera companies for not getting their crap together, or whatever. I’m not then taking my own action and I’m not taking back control of my own life. And we all, you talk about potential, you know, all of us have the potential for something really great, but only if we take responsibility for ourselves.
So it’s so great that you brought this up because I see this in my own community of singers who, what I want to tell them is, you can do this. You don’t need anybody else to be successful. You just need yourself. But you have to believe in yourself.
Ichko: Yeah, absolutely. You know, the social media is one of the biggest thing when we look through that, it seems like everyone’s life is amazing, but yourself, you know, your life.
Maren: It’s so not true.
Ichko: But it looks like it. And you that’s when you feel bad about yourself in how frustrated, how, lonely, how depressed you are. Right? So you don’t want to do that. And that’s what I did too. I’m like, I’m gonna delete so many followers who look amazing their life. I’m going to unfollow them. Cause that’s not going to help me at all in any way. Whenever I look for social media, I only look for inspiration, that’s it. Bottom line.
Maren: And you have a coach, so you can work on your own stuff. Like you don’t need to use social media to be working on your inner work. You have somebody that you can, really, do that privately. Out of the public eye.
Ichko: Absolutely. I think that if you want to work on yourself, I think you wanted to hire somebody who you can trust. So you can open up, you can talk about your own thing. So yeah, for sure.
Maren: What are you working on creatively right now?
Ichko: Yeah, I’m actually right now focusing on creating more content that can help my audience, to my people so that I can actually inspire others. My content is all about to, Hey, this is the reality, you know? Just be real with that and inspire them to take action in their life.
Maren: Is that like podcast content or more like social media content or blog? Okay,
Ichko: Yeah, both. My podcast is also really all about I’m very realistic person. I like to talk about real stuff and real life. We gotta be real about our life. I think a lot of people pretend that life is good and it’s not, right? I like to really bring up people like, where were they before this getting into this personal development or even a coaching journey and how has it changed in their life?
Because there’s so many benefits when you get into this, reading books and getting into this personal development and coaching, you know, you’re going to learn, you’re going to be amazed how you can unleash yourself there. And that’s when you can achieve even more. You’re going to see yourself everywhere.
Maren: Well, thank you so much for coming on and talking and sharing your stuff. Can you tell everybody how they can get ahold of you if they want to work with you?
Ichko: Absolutely. Yeah. So I’m currently doing live coaching for free. It’s on Eventbrite. I will send the link over here. Where you can find me is on Instagram Ichko Batmunkh, I C H K O B A T M U N K H. It’s literally my first and last name. My website, my LinkedIn, or other social media are the same: first and last name.
Maren: I’ll put all of that in the show notes, for
Ichko: Yeah. And if you’d like to work with me, yes, you can do that. Absolutely. You can do a consult with me for an hour, and we’re going to really focusing on where are you in your life and where you want to go in your life. I’m hoping this 2021 is going to bring us a lot of amazing stuff. So I think we should start right now working on ourselves. This is your time, and let’s do this, guys!
Maren: Awesome. Awesome. And you also have a podcast, right?
Ichko: Yes, my podcast, it’s Don’t Hold Back. I love this podcast. So listen to that. I think you’re going to love it too.
Maren: Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming on and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.
Ichko: Thank you so much. You as well, it’s been really fun to talk to you today.
Maren: Likewise.
And I will leave it there.
Next week, it’s going to be a solo episode, and I haven’t quite figured out what I’ll be talking about, but I promise it’ll be good. So stay tuned.
I love hearing from you guys. So if there was something that particularly struck you about this or any episode, please reach out. I am on Instagram @supermaren, that is the easiest way to find me. Just DM me. And I will answer.
The Bodice Ripper Project is a production of Compassionate Creative, and was conceived and written by me, Maren Montalbano. It was edited by Andrew Carlson and me. The theme music was also written by yours truly. If you liked what you heard, I invite you to give this podcast a 5-star rating – you think it doesn’t make a difference, but it does! – and I’ll see you next time.